I’ve had more than one season in my life where it felt like every single aspect was in transition.
During the first three years of marriage, my husband switched jobs three times, we moved, I decided to go to grad school, we put everything we owned in a storage unit and moved abroad, we both switched jobs again, I graduated from my program, and we moved three more times (twice while abroad, once back to the US).
That was only in the first three years. And that is the short version.
There was another season where, in the span of about 9 months we found out we were having a baby, we moved, we mentored two different friends through extremely difficult and personal circumstances, had a death in the family, both of us started new jobs, we were working on a startup, and we welcomed our baby daughter into the world.
Needless to say, it’s been a crazy 7 years of marriage.
Looking back, there are so many points where I could have backed away and said, “this is too much, I need to run.”
And I had many days where I felt like I wanted to run. I wanted to get away from the complexity, the ever-changing circumstances, and the constant feeling of being in transition.
Then one day, I had an epiphany.
If I always looked at these life changes as transitions, I would constantly be in a state of stress and anxiety, searching desperately for a way out.
So I rephrased. I wasn’t going to be in transition anymore. I was adapting.
You see, transitions have a beginning and end. Adapting is a constant state of mind.
Transitions are jagged and sharp. Adapting creates curves and bends, but is a smooth and constant stream.
Transitions desire perfection. Adapting desires peace.
When I stopped transitioning and started adapting, my life changed. The healing of this new term has been immense. The seasons that, to many on the outside, might seem overwhelming were instead taken in stride.
Rather than being in constant transition as I learned all the aspects of a new job, I adapted the rhythms and routines over time.
Instead of feeling in transition until every box was opened and put away after a move, I adapted to opening the necessities and being ok with putting off some of the boxes until later.
Becoming a parent has been a constant journey. The minute I think I have my daughter’s sleep schedule or eating habits figured out, she changes! Children are the ultimate example of adapting to life, and I’ve learned to adapt with her rather than see each stage as a transition (because, let’s be real, that would be a lot of transitions).
Perfection doesn’t exist, and yet these seasons of life when things are changing always make us feel as if life must be better:
“just as soon as I figure out this job”
“as soon as I buy a house “
“as soon as my daughter sleeps through the night”
It’s no wonder the phrase “the grass is always greener on the other side” has continued to exist. There’s a part of all of us that wants to believe that there is an “ideal” life, that this next season will be perfect.
But what about the season you’re in?
When we look at life as a constant flow of adaptations, the urgency to complete the transitional process fades. We find that life is slower and less complex, we see the beauty in the nuance, and we settle into the uncertainties with less fear for the future. The desire for the ideal life slips into the background.
If you resonate with any of this, let me assure you that you, too, can find freedom by changing one simple word in your vocabulary.
The next time you go through a huge life change, what would it be like if you thought yourself as adapting instead of being in transition?
You might just realize that as you adapt to a new pace, a new job, a new home, a new relationship, you are more quickly able to find contentment. You are at peace. You are living.
This mindset shift won’t come overnight.
In fact, I can assure you that I am very much still a person in progress when it comes to adapting. But as I continue through life, I find freedom through this change in understanding. And I want you to find freedom too.
So let’s stop transitioning, and start adapting together.
No Comments