I am a strong believer in self-affirmation. In fact, I think self-affirmation is essential to living a life of purpose.
I know, I know, it seems weird to stand in front of your bathroom mirror, look yourself in the eye, and say “you are important.” While I certainly find value in that (as strange as it might feel), I prefer having written reminders around the house to tell me why I’m important.
Now, this might seem strange, perhaps a little too vulnerable for some of you.
For instance, when inviting a new friend over for coffee, they may stumble upon a note you’ve written to yourself on the fridge that says, “I think you’re amazing.” Maybe they would think, “that’s an odd place to put that” or, “that seems a little personal.”
I get that, but here’s the thing.
If you only have a few people reminding you of your value and worth, your mind suddenly becomes filled with the negative.
You need to do better.
You need to be better.
You’re not good enough.
You spend more time fixated on a thought with no evidence or proof, but rather a feeling born out of a toxic relationship or a deep insecurity.
What would it look like for you to love yourself again?
Truly though. Once you get past the little kid squeamishness of that thought, try it again.
What would it look like for you to love yourself again?
You see, no one can tell you to love yourself or how to love yourself. You have to make that decision, and you have to be willing to take steps towards it. Think about it, you can’t make new friends without spending time with each other, building each other up, and being there through the joys and the challenges.
So it should be with you.
Your own awareness of who you are and why you have value is crucial to loving yourself. And self-affirmation is essential to this process.
If you want to love others well, you must first love yourself.
I am on that journey with you. As a person in progress, I struggle with this idea. Sure, I think I have some value and believe I have a place in this world, but I’ve greatly struggled with my self-worth. Thoughts such as these have been a part of my life for too long:
You’re not pretty enough for him to like you.
You’re ideas aren’t good enough, you shouldn’t say anything.
You’re not working hard enough for that job, you need to prove yourself.
It’s awful, really. When you read those statements, the feelings of deep insecurity, shame, and a lack of purpose are so real.
But that’s not who I am. And that’s not who you are.
What would it look like to replace those statements?
I am beautiful and I bring beauty to those around me.
I am smart and my thoughts and ideas can contribute positively to the world.
I have nothing to prove, my hard-work itself is good enough.
Suddenly the burden of the original statements is lifted. Your mind clears from the fog of critique into the light of the truth.
My soul friend, if there is no one other than me to remind you of this today, let me tell you that you have worth. You have value. You are important.
But I am also going to ask you to take it a step further.
Start affirming yourself.
Whether it is writing reminders to yourself around your apartment or house, or standing in front of the mirror and looking yourself in the eye, your willingness to self-affirm can only come from you. This self-affirmation is essential to living a life of purpose.
If you practice self-affirmation, you will be shocked at how much your life will change.
No, you won’t see it overnight. Our instant gratitude culture has taught you that results should happen quickly and that’s just not how life works.
But you will find that over time, your negative thoughts are replaced with joy and with purpose. Suddenly you will find yourself willing to take a risk and apply for that job. Maybe you’ll be the one to ask someone out on a date. Or maybe you’ll find true contentment in your work and home.
Whatever it is, my deepest desire is for you, my soul friend, to life a life free of self-critique.
Brené Brown says “we can’t ask people to give to us something that we do not believe we’re worthy of receiving.” To receive love from others is to first love yourself.
So, start living your life with purpose.
Start affirming yourself.
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